Custody exchanges are a necessary part of life for many families. Children experience disruption as they shift from one parent to another with a different set of set of rules. Any time this happens, children have a transition period as they settle in and adjust to the change of household. Keeping this in mind, the following suggestions can help to smooth some of the rough spots and shorten the transition process.
Encourage and support your child spending time with the other parent.
Your child will see you want the best for them, even if that is them having a great time with the other parent. This helps to provide stabilization and reassurance that your child can just be themselves without having to worry about taking sides or protecting one parent’s feelings or downplaying their time with the other parent.
Support and love your children when they come back.
Don’t ask them for personal details about the other parent or send them on fact-finding missions to gather information you might use against the other parent.
Establish a routine that helps the children before heading out and when they come back.
What works will vary from family to family. One idea to reduce unnecessary stress is to have bags packed and waiting and shoes placed by the door. This helps avoid a last-minute scramble to get out the door.
Be patient and spend time finding a routine that works better for your children near the time of exchange.
They may want to be near you or maybe they are better balanced if they can immerse themselves in a game, tv or a book. Find “the sweet spot” and when the time for exchange comes, get them up and out the door. Give them some love, be positive and wish them a great time and then whisk them out the door.
Keep the purposes of custody exchanges to just custody exchanges.
If you and the other parent come into contact during transfers, do not discuss any divorce- related logistics or try to work through a conflict which the children are present. Exchanges are tough enough on children as it is, so handle the adult matters elsewhere
Celebrate the positives when the children return.
If they share something positive about their time with the other parent, be excited and happy for them. Ask what their favorite thing was during their time with the other parent and celebrate that with them. By doing this, you reinforce your support of your child and of their relationship with their other parent.
Give yourself some grace.
This process will take some time and trial and error to get smoothed out. Support your children and take note of what went right with exchanges and examine where there could be areas of improvement. Keep at it and before you know it, time passes and custody exchanges will more routine and have their own rhythm.
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